Grief

   Today I have been thinking a lot about my two children who have passed away.  I can't help it because they are in my heart each and every day.  The other evening I had a nightmare about Linsey and the events surrounding her death.  I won't go into detail because it is too heart wrenching to write about.   But when I woke up, I felt a complete sense of fear, dread and grief. It really shook me up.  I have been doing very well lately.  Grief is like that though.  Some days are filled with hope and laughter and other days the heartache resurfaces again.  Grief waxes and wanes.  CS Lewis described grief as an "invisible blanket" between you and the rest of the world.

   You would think that after 6 years, that blanket would be long gone but it's not.  There is no time on how long it takes to grieve the loss of a loved one.  One never does get over it.  The pain felt is equal to the love and it's strength.  So for those of you who are grieving, take your time and hold on to the memories.  Times does heal but it can take years.  Another thing that I have learned is that just because someone feels the pain and loneliness of grief doesn't mean he or she does not have sufficient faith.  They are not one in the same.  I can't tell you how many times, I have heard, "Well, just have faith and everything will be ok."  Well, it is true that having faith gives you hope that you will see your loved one again, it does not bring them back nor does it dull the intense pain of that sort of loss especially that of a child.  If you are lucky enough at this point in your life to never have experience that sort of intense grief, try to be sensitive to those around you who are grieving.  Cut them a little slack if they don't seem quite themselves or are a little withdrawn.  They just lost someone very near and dear to their heart.  Be a support to them, listen to them, don't say things like it's going to be ok or everything happens for a reason.  Life for them is not going to be ok in the near future because their heart was just shattered and their life will never be the same.    Can you imagine what it would be like if you lost a child or a spouse or a mother?  Put yourself in their shoes. 

   We must carry on though.  When I wake up everyday, I begin my day with a prayer asking God to bless my loved ones on this side of the veil and on the other.  I ask him to take good care of Ricky and Linsey and to let them know how much I love them and miss them.  Now there is hope in prayer.  Prayer does make things better.  When we don't feel like praying, that is when we need to pray the most.  Maybe everything in your life is going great and you don't feel the need to pray.  Well, that is when we need to utter our gratitude for all of the blessings we have in this life.  You are never taller than when you are kneeling in humble prayer with an attitude of gratitude.  This has helped my grief. This has given me hope during the darkest hours of my life.  You are never too proud to start to pray.